Change. What are some things that come to my mind when I think of change? Quite often change is scary for me. Sometimes I get angry when there is a sudden change. I have been known to say that I don’t like change. Even if I have wanted a change it usually takes a little time for me to adjust to it.
When I reflect about change in my own life, I have to admit that most change has been good for me even if I did not understand or like it at first.
Life has been changing for me. I don’t know if I have mentioned it before but Papa Joe* and I are in what I call a holding pattern with more than one situation.
First thing is that we had a very devastating family occurrence almost a year ago that brought a major change in our lives. The occurrence that took place was a sudden shock to both of us and we have been in the midst of a grief process in dealing with all of the aspects of it. Parts of it have broken our hearts. We have turned it all over to God and He has instructed us to trust Him, allow Him to handle it, to love the people involved and wait. The waiting is hard. In situations where God tells us to wait it can be for a long time. “His timing is not the same as our timing”.
The second change is that Papa Joe, who is a military retiree and only 52, has become increasingly more disabled from injuries that he received in the military and he has not been able to work full-time like he used to for about 18 months. He had both of his knees replaced in March and it turned out to be a very major ordeal. His care required all of my attention for quite a long time because there were some complications that happened during the surgery.
The third change is that I have been wondering just what my next step is after having received my degree last year. I had always wanted to go back to college to get a degree and now that it has finally happened when I never really thought it would I have started wondering just what I am going to do with the “rest of my life”. I haven’t wanted to jump into anything in order to stay busy and have been really feeling like I just needed to stop pursuing anything and wait on the Lord for this also. “Be still and know that I am God” is one of the verses that I have been hearing when I start to think about this.
Being still has also been a major change for me. For anyone who has ever stopped the busy-ness in their life, I am sure that you can relate to just how hard it is. It has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done. All of my life I have been busy doing something and at the same time looking for something else to keep me busy as if I didn’t have enough busy-ness going on. I had always been one to jump at any chance to supplement our income no matter how menial or time consuming the job was. Being still also meant for me to not be employed during this season.
Although I first imagined that this season would be a very trying time for us, these times of change have been so good for our marriage. We are climbing some of the mountains together, hand in hand, side by side. The friendship that brought us both together in the first place has grown by leaps and bounds. Papa Joe and I are learning for the first time in our marriage how to daily, peacefully occupy the same space, get by on an extremely small monthly pension that he gets because of his service in the military, tenderly care for one another when we each need it, grieve about this family situation that we are both healing from and wait patiently for the Lord all at the same time. We are also developing respect and patience for one another that is on a brand new level.
How, may I ask, can we actually hear God when He speaks to us if we are not still? For many years I have been searching for what God has called me to do. Most recently one thing that I have found through His leading and during this season is blogging. I would have never started this if all of the above changes had not taken place in my life.
I have always enjoyed writing. I have even known in my heart that I was supposed to write. I never knew how to do it or start it. I have also wanted to minister to others in an emotionally and spiritually healing way and tried other avenues like teaching or having women’s events that although successful at random times never seemed to take off.
The biggest reason that all of this has finally come together for me is because I was being still and not occupying myself with busy-ness. I had the time to be able to read and surf the internet. To go to the library and check out books on the subjects that I was dealing with. My local library (Dallas, TX) has a plethora of online reading material and movies that I can choose from. As long as I don’t have any fines looming over my head (haha), I can do quite a bit from home on my computer with the library.
I was able to glean tidbits of info for myself and the healing process that I have been experiencing by reading other people’s blogs. I then started researching how to create my own blog and the best ways to make it work. I started realizing that blogging would satisfy many of my ministry desires. I decided that if nothing else came from it, I would practice my writing skills and that the writing would be a good outlet for my own needs. And then, guess what?!? I heard God telling me to do it! I then made a commitment to start and to write regularly two posts a week. And now it has started….
So, I will close today’s ramblings for now. Yes, change is and can be a mountain. It can be a very fun, exciting mountain. It can be a hard climbing expedition but fun at the same time. I think it depends on what perspective we may choose to look at it from. Climbing up through the rocks, grass and flowers and then rolling down the other side into the beautiful valleys.
Grateful, am I grateful? Yes, very grateful.
My most special gift that is on my list today is this one:
THE CHANGES THAT HAVE COME AND ARE STILL COMING IN MY LIFE!
On Thursday will be Pt. 2 of “The Mountain of Forgiveness”.
Love and blessings to you,
*I have decided to refer to my hubby as Papa Joe from here on out because using a name for him seems a bit more personal. This is not his real name of course and I do not consider him to be any kind of father figure to me (he is, in fact, 2 years younger than me). Papa Joe is similar to the name that the grandchildren lovingly call him and I think it’s cute.