Falling off of a cliff and landing on my back (pt. 4 of the Mountain of Grief)

When we know that tragedy is coming, when it comes slowly, we have time to prepare for it.  We see it inching up on us, we have time to set anything right that may not be right.  We have time to pack the suitcases, pick out the dress we are going to wear to the funeral, figure out what we are going to say and who we are going to call when that final message of finality is sent to us.

Sometimes, though, when tragedy hits, sometimes we are slapped in the face.  Sometimes we are knocked down flat on our back.  Sometimes we are left standing only out of sheer will or something stronger than us invisibly (God) holding us up.  This aspect is what we look at today.  The falling off of the cliff and landing on our back type of grief, the sudden jolt of the unexpected.

The tragedy of a relationship ending that we were not ready to have end.  We may have wanted the relationship to change.  We may have been praying for that person.  We may have been praying for change.  But when we pray those types of prayers we don’t expect them to be answered in a way that is hurtful to us.  We don’t expect the change to include that person doing or saying something devastating to us or about us.

We don’t expect the instant severing of relationship with them by a meat cleaver of demonically implanted words being spewed from their mouth.  We don’t expect the slam in the face with a baseball bat of lies. We don’t expect the phone call in the middle of the night or the knock on the door by local law enforcement officials right after we have had a fun day out with our friends.

These things are the things that make us sit down, stop smiling and stare blankly into space and ask God, “Did I pray for this?”  or think “Oh no, things will NEVER be the same! Didn’t they know this before they did this horrible thing?”  Here is one bit of news for you, God knew it was going to happen!

It’s at times like these when we can’t even embrace within our minds that a suitcase will need to be packed, or a dress will have to be picked out or that we will not be able to bring ourselves to stand up from the chair that we have been sitting in since we heard the numbing news…for hours.

When we think about all of the things that we should have said, should have thought, should have done, should not have done, should not have, should not have, should not have…

When we wonder why we ever opened up our heart, why we ever allowed ourselves to ever love.  Not just that person but anyone ever at all…and will everyone that we ever choose to love eventually do this to us?

It’s times like these when it takes every effort that we can muster to put one foot in front of the other, or smile, or think that the empty space that has been ripped into our lives will ever not be a big, black void.

It’s times like these when we walk into a place that reminds us of them unexpectedly and the tears start flowing before we realized there was the possibility that they may flow.

It’s times like these when we wonder if anything that we have ever done at all has ever made a difference in anyone’s life.  If it is a possibility that everything in life is futile and that good is not worth being done.

This is when He who has His hand on us can lift us up in the palm of His hand and just hold us.  That’s when He can take all of those things that we have been praying about and repair them.  That’s when He can teach us how to rely on His strength, not ever our own strength again.  That’s when He can reveal to us just how much He loves and has loved us all along.  That’s when He takes His burdens off of our shoulders and places them on His.

That’s when we find that all He ever wanted from us was for us to be His children, not His robots.  That’s when we find that being in the spotlight is not important, but being His is of the utmost importance.

Then we start seeing truth in His word that we have read over and over throughout our lives, which we have never, ever seen before.  That’s when we realize that we are living those truths that we are finally understanding.

That’s when we discover what being in Him and He being in us is all about and we find that was all He had ever wanted from us.

In my own grief, that’s when I found that it’s true, I will heal, I will survive, but things will never be the same and the glory of it all is that all of a sudden I realized that I don’t want them to ever be the same, because that is the past and in order for me to be better, get better, things had to change.  It was necessary.  And they have gotten better, moment by moment, minute by minute, second by second, day by day, week by week and now it is becoming year after year.

He makes all things new in me, He makes beautiful things out of the dust that is left behind and trampled upon.

This is the grief that beautiful things, ministries and new lives are born from.  Those new lives are sometimes our own lives being made newer than we ever imagined.  And they are born and they will be born.

Here is a video.  Many, I am sure, have seen this movie.  Yes, it is fiction, but it could be real.  What struck me most about this movie is that the main character was already a “good man”, he was providing for his family, serving his community, going to church, but he wasn’t being his best.  In his grief, a ministry was born, he started realizing that he needed to be more than good.  He started becoming the “best” that God had created him to be.  This man’s best was born out of his deepest grief.

“you do heal, but you will never be the same”

A promise not a curse!

I cannot heal you, but there is someone who can and who desires to.  I can encourage you to allow God to heal you and hold you and take you through that process because I know that this is exactly what he wants to do.

Let this resonate with you today.

Love and Blessings to you!

Godspeed,

EvieJo

About Rhonda

Let me introduce myself to you who may not know who I am...I am an artist, writer, blogger, born again follower of Jesus Christ (I pursue Him on an ongoing basis with passion), I am a recovering codependent, survivor of childhood and adulthood domestic violence, an empty nester who still has a LOT of life to live and a LOT more places to go before I stop, the wife to Mr. John, mother, grandmother and I have a passion for being a part of the process of getting preschoolers ready for the rest of their lives! I have probably left something out but that's ok.
This entry was posted in GOD, grieving, Life, the grief process, The MOUNTAIN of grief and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Falling off of a cliff and landing on my back (pt. 4 of the Mountain of Grief)

  1. ro elliott says:

    Hi we are link-up neighbors today…yes…grief does change us…letting God into that pain…the change is for our good…wonderful encouragement here…blessings~

  2. Sally Horton says:

    Praise God you chose the path of victory in the Hands of the Lord!!!

    Love you!!!

    Sally

  3. shortybear says:

    Blessings and love to you.

  4. eil1een says:

    My son and I were talking about a similar topic today. We were discussing how life can do a 180 degree turn in one moment. Moments that knock the wind out of us. In times like that, I am so thankful for a faithful and unchanging ROCK to lean on.

  5. joy says:

    Very touching post and you are right. Have been in situations like that and God had helped time and time again. Rebuild and renewed. Dropping by from ” Tell me a story”. My entry: I hated my life!

  6. Awesome post! Very timely! My husband lost his best friend and our children their godfather two weeks ago, suddenly from cancer. Thanks for sharing! Visiting from Tracy’s “Winsome Wednesday” blog hop! Have a blessed day my sister! 😉

  7. Pamela says:

    My husband and I held hands in the dark on the day our daughter died. We promised each other we’d allow the grief to make us better, not bitter. It does change us. But it can be a change to be “Best.” Excellent words you’ve penned here.

    • eviejowilson says:

      Ahhh, thank you so much Pamela for touching on something I had forgotten. That is also something that I begged the Lord for, not to become bitter! I had seen bitter in others and clawed my way out of bitterness about other issues. And that is what He has done “better, not bitter”. Bitterness is not in this heart either. Bless you, dear one.

  8. Floyd says:

    Those heartbreaking times seem to take a piece of our soul and on this side of heaven there is mending, but not complete healing. That comes when our race is run and we are reunited with our Father. The tough patches that happen in life do give us an opportunity to share our wisdom learned with others down the road. And when we are drawn closer to our Father something grand is within is gained.

    Heart grabbing post. Well done.

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