Educate Yourself by Examining Domestic Violence (part 3)

I know that God absolutely HATES domestic violence and I do, too.

These six things the Lord hates,
Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look,
A lying tongue,
Hands that shed innocent blood,
 A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that are swift in running to evil,
 A false witness who speaks lies,
And one who sows discord among brethren.

Proverbs 6:16-19

It’s not the people who commit the horrible acts whom He hates…

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:12

He wants to heal those who commit the acts as well as the victims.  He wants to heal the families.

How do I know this?  Because His word says so…

He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound

Isaiah 61:1b

*********

When Mr. Joe and I married I entered into our marriage with the open and unhealed domestic violence 4wounds of the effects that domestic violence had wreaked upon my life, my children also had those open and unhealed wounds.  That is why I hear God’s calling to introduce ministry to those who are seeking healing and/or are still victims of this horrible sin against humanity.  The way I see Him working in me because I am not a licensed counselor is to inform and point people in the right directions,  to encourage and share my experiences and what my hopes are for my own future as well as my family’s.

My children are still very much, the walking wounded and I want to see them fully healed.  They are now adults and all I can do is pray for them and their families.  I know that God desires their healing, too.

I am explaining all of this because, although I will not claim perfection in my marriage to Mr. Joe, it has been good, healthy and full of love.  We have worked through many issues.  Together and separately we have been healed from many wounds that we entered our marriage with.   Our union has been a very healthy one and I love him and respect him in more ways that I can mention right now after all these years and more than the first day I married him because our marriage has been one of freedom.

I don’t believe that there is a perfect family or a perfect marriage in this world as we know it.  We live in in a fallen world where “our enemy, the devil” is searching for whom he may steal from, kill or destroy at all times.

There are, however, families that promote emotional, spiritual and physical health within their boundaries and there are families who do not promote healthiness within their boundaries.

In my opinion, the difference between the two is whether or not the family allows the “light” to be shed on problems that occur that are not able to be resolved within the family unit.

My question is this one.  Can your family withstand the “light” to be shed on it?  Is there anything that you would try to hide if God turned his floodlight on and shined it through the roof of your home?  If there is, this would be the problem that is in need of being confronted.

All couples have problems, disagreements, arguments and altercations that could even be a little questionable at times.  I don’t believe that the problems or what actually occurs are the issues so much as to how each situation is handled as they are unrolled into the tapestry of the family.

Spouses, especially early into a marriage, and even more especially, if they are bringing old “baggage” that has not been dealt with or that either one or both spouses have not been healed from will have altercations (sometimes very serious).  Quite often, spouses will enter into their marriage without a true understanding of how to work through problems or disagreements or how to fight fairly when disagreements occur.  These types of things happened with Mr. Joe and I after we got married.

The difference in our marriage and a marriage where there was the possibility of domestic violence occurring was that when we came up against problems that we were not able to work through on our own, we stepped out of our learned and sometimes unhealthy ways of dealing with things and sought help.

How did we seek help?  In fifteen plus years of marriage, we have sought help in many ways.  First of all, we were married by a minister of the Gospel and we stated in our marriage vows that we were making Jesus Christ the foundation of our marriage.  Secondly, we have attended church and sought through personal and group efforts over the course of our marriage to increase in our relationship with God.  We have never denied each other the privilege to personally step out of the confines of our marriage on a personal level to seek help from a minister or a professional to work through a problem or an issue that we are unable to work through on our own or together.  We have never denied the other the privilege to ask the other to see a minister or professional together if one of us felt the need for a second opinion in a problem we were having.

domestic violence 5We have also sought out solutions by praying together, reading devotionals together, reading books/bible studies individually and especially in the first years of our marriage, we tried to go to one or two marriage conferences together a year, even though sometimes the marriage conferences repeated themselves.  The repeated information that we heard from the conferences reinforced information that we really needed to know.

As I have also stated, we were a blended family, with 6 children between the 2 of us and because of this and us knowing the statistics of failure for blended family marriages we paid special attention to learning all that we could about how to survive in a blended family.  In fact, there was a blended family class at our church that we went through as participants, not facilitators, 5 times over the course of a few years because it helped us in dealing with our blended family issues.  Whatever problems a blended family has had, you name it, we have probably dealt with something similar in ours.

Our marriage has been one that when problems occurred, we sought answers.

I read a couple of paragraphs in one of my Al-Anon books Sunday morning that I underlined several years ago.  Basically, what it stated was that in relationship difficulties and the occurrence of something negative **“once is a fluke, twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern” and if one is “still suffering in reaction to a specific behavior that has occurred three or more times, they need to stop hoping the behavior will cease.”  Instead they must detach emotionally from the situation and start changing their own attitudes, expectations, and responses.

One way to change your own attitudes, expectations and responses is by educating yourself.  I will repeat…EDUCATE YOURSELF.  That is why I am posting a phone number at the end of this post.

Educate yourself about the laws in your place of residence concerning domestic violence.

Educate yourself about child abuse laws in your place of residence.

Find out what your options are if you or one of your children is being/has been physically harmed by someone in your home.

Find out what kind of help is available for someone in your situation.  It may surprise you.

If you can do nothing else right now, you can start by educating yourself.  There is help available.  In the United States, especially in the metropolitan areas you don’t have to go very far to find it.  It is a simple phone call away.

There is help available.

IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS AND/OR CONCERNS ABOUT ANYTHING THAT domestic violence 3YOU HAVE READ AND ARE IN DANGER AS YOU READ THIS OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS, CALL THIS NUMBER FOR HELP AND/OR ADVICE IMMEDIATELY:

Anonymous and
Confidential Help 24/7:
1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

**the Al-Anon quote is from page 9 of Hope for Today, Al-Anon Family Group literature

Thank you so much for allowing me to share my heart, today.

May the Lord bless you abundantly and protect you.

Love and Godspeed,

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About Rhonda

Let me introduce myself to you who may not know who I am...I am an artist, writer, blogger, born again follower of Jesus Christ (I pursue Him on an ongoing basis with passion), I am a recovering codependent, survivor of childhood and adulthood domestic violence, an empty nester who still has a LOT of life to live and a LOT more places to go before I stop, the wife to Mr. John, mother, grandmother and I have a passion for being a part of the process of getting preschoolers ready for the rest of their lives! I have probably left something out but that's ok.
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8 Responses to Educate Yourself by Examining Domestic Violence (part 3)

  1. joepote01 says:

    What a great post, on an important topic!

    Thank you for sharing, EvieJo!

    • EvieJo says:

      Thanks, Joe, for visiting and for the encouragement. A topic that is very near and dear to my heart in that I want to see people overcome the effects of it!

      • joepote01 says:

        Me, too! It’s nice to meet another warrior battling for a common goal. And I like your specific approach of focusing on current relationships and healing, based on your own experiences.

  2. Thank you for sharing this post on such an important topic.

  3. Eileen says:

    Very important topic, EvieJo. I think many people overlook verbal and emotional abuse as domestic violence. That was my first marriage. You are right, we have to be willing to educate ourselves.

  4. EvieJo says:

    So true, thanks for sharing. Being able to recognize the behavior for what it is, is very important in being able to confront the problem.

  5. Mary says:

    This is a great post! Thank you for sharing your story and addressing this important issue.

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