Domestic Violence-What To Do If You Need To Leave (pt. 6 of a series)

Today’s post is not for everyone, but I feel so strongly about writing and posting this domestic violence awarenessinformation, I cannot avoid it.

If you are in a situation and have made a decision that drastic measures need to be taken in order for you to protect yourself or others in your home this post is for you.

Please keep in mind that nothing is set in stone.  These are merely suggestions.  They may work for you and they may trigger some original ideas in order for you to customize you own course of action.

I am in NO WAY saying that you should leave your spouse.  You have to make that decision because you are the one who will have to be accountable for it.  I will say though that many have left abusive situations and received healing, new life and freedom that they  never knew.

If the conditions that you are living in have been defined as abusive and/or dangerous for you as a spouse, girlfriend or common law wife or for one or more of your children, I am not going to tell you to leave but the truth is that you must consider your safety and that of your children.  Outside help in trying to determine what is the best means of handling your situation is imperative.

When you are an abuse victim, sometimes it is hard to trust anyone because one of the things that abusers know how to do well is manipulate and many spend a lot of their time trying to convince their victims that they are the only person whom you can trust.  They domestic violencewill do whatever they can to convince you that you should disengage yourself from friends, relatives and loved ones.

The abuser is not the one who should be turned to for advice when you start trying to figure out what to do about your hopeless situation.

I want to make a special note right here before we go on.  You may be asking who you can trust to give good advice and keep it confidential.  Off the top of my head I would suggest…your medical doctor, an attorney, law enforcement officials, a licensed counselor, a domestic violence shelter… provided that the abuser is not in the same vocation and closely related to any one of these.  There are also hotlines that you can contact.  Most communities have a local hotline, and the United States has a national hotline.

Leaving an abusive partner requires planning.  My next two posts are going to address some of the things that need to be wisely and discreetly taken care of if you are planning on leaving the abuser.  These things are important because they are things that the abuser can use to manipulate or lure you into a volatile situation if you do not have them covered before you leave.

Here is part 1 of 2 parts that I will be posting on the subject of preparing to leave:

This information has been taken from

Gather Important Documents

Find an inconspicuous folder in which to store all your important documents. Martha Hill of the Southwest Florida News Press suggests a zippered leather Bible cover as a decoy. If you can’t secure originals, make sure you at least have copies of your and your children’s birth certificates, passports and Social Security cards. Other documents you may need include copies of your lease or mortgage, car title and proof of insurance, marriage license and health insurance information. Any immigration documents, such as green cards or work permits, should go in the folder, along with children’s school and vaccine records. Last but not least, include a list of all important phone numbers and account numbers.

If you do not have a comfort about keeping the folder around ask someone who is outside the home to keep it for you.

Open Bank Accountdomestic violence 3

If possible, open your own bank account without your husband’s knowledge before you leave. If physically going to a bank is impossible, look into opening an account online. Try to gather at least $500 in emergency funds, even if it means literally saving pennies in the pockets of a garment or a shoe in the back of your closet. Gather any jewelry or valuables you can sell and take them with you. Use a public computer in a library or community center to search for job prospects and make contact with a person you trust, preferably one who can lend you money or secure a credit card for you. Open a post office box to secure all important finance or work-related correspondence.

Contact Shelter

Purchase a pre-paid cell phone or calling card to communicate with a women’s shelter. Ask if it will have clothing and toiletries available for you; if so, this is one less giveaway to your abuser that you’re leaving. If you have pets, find out if the shelter will take them, or ask the shelter to help you find a caregiver. If you must communicate with the shelter in writing or by email, use a public computer and printer to do so. The shelter can give you a checklist of what to bring with you, but a few important items to take along are at least a one-month supply of any medications you, your children or your pets require, and photographs or a digital camera containing images of any injuries resulting from the abuse that any of you have at the time you leave.


I sincerely hope that this is helping someone and I will continue with the same subject next week.

Love and blessings to you!



About Rhonda

Let me introduce myself to you who may not know who I am...I am an artist, writer, blogger, born again follower of Jesus Christ (I pursue Him on an ongoing basis with passion), I am a recovering codependent, survivor of childhood and adulthood domestic violence, an empty nester who still has a LOT of life to live and a LOT more places to go before I stop, the wife to Mr. John, mother, grandmother and I have a passion for being a part of the process of getting preschoolers ready for the rest of their lives! I have probably left something out but that's ok.
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2 Responses to Domestic Violence-What To Do If You Need To Leave (pt. 6 of a series)

  1. jedidja says:

    Its good you write about this and its a bleesing to have a man, parents who really loves us.

    • EvieJo says:

      Yes it is a blessing…I have missed you lately! I have been very busy myself with a lot of things. There are some transitions that are looming in the air with us, I will be talking about them soon. Love you, Jedidja!

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