Knowing God

hearthandsMinistry (as I knew it) has pretty much come to a standstill for me at this point.  There may be an opportunity for me to go do touchup on the mural at the children’s hospital that we have been working on tomorrow, but it will depend on how I feel.

I sprained my ankle 11 days ago and foolishly tried to go to the orphanage last Tuesday because I thought I could handle it.  Well, I could not and Wednesday I woke up and it was so painful that I could barely walk.  Mr. Joe had to go find some crutches for me.

It has now been 7 days and I am still feeling the pain when I walk with crutches, but it is slowly subsiding.  My goal now is to stay off of it so that it will be healed for the over 24-hour trip/3 flight/3 airports ride home.

Honestly, fear and a lot of what ifs have tried to take over and I was reading an Oswald Chambers devotion yesterday and realized that I am trying to do everything on my own strength not God’s.

Here is what I read that made me realize this:

“There are stages in life when there is no storm, no crisis, when we do our human best; it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely.”~My Utmost For His Highest (August 12)

I jotted down some thoughts after I read:

One of the mottos of a missions organization that I really respect goes something like this:

“To Know God and Make Him Known”

If I came here only to know Him more then it was all worth it!

To know God

To know God

To know God…

Will I ever really know Him?

We have been singing a song in worship that has these lyrics in it:  “I will climb this mountain with my hands open wide!”

Everytime I sing that song I have been making a vow to Him that I would do just that!  Climb this mountain with my hands open wide!  Wow!  Think about it, that is some kind of vow!  Can’t get much more serious than that!  Can you imagine literally climbing a mountain with your hands open wide?  That is some pretty difficult climbing.  I can only imagine that in my petty, childish, whining self, He may have  thought to himself, “I will show her how it really feels.”.

Seriously, if we sing, vow it, aren’t we supposed to be ready to do it?

Will I ever stop blaming Him for my struggles for my plans not coming to fruition?

I know this…I want to.

Will I ever stop thinking that I have to rely on my own strength instead of HIM being my only strength?

If anything, I am and will be leaving with this realization.

NOTHING…absolutely NOTHING is about me.

EVERYTHING…absolutely EVERYTHING is about Him.

And that is how it is supposed to be.

The Ancient of Days creating me so that He could be glorified through my life, not the other way around.

Me the lump of clay on His Potter’s Wheel-being molded-not finished-Him breaking some things off or away and remolding new pieces (example-a faulty ankle attached to a foot that was headed in the wrong direction).

Making a name for myself was never a part of any plan of His!

Finally yesterday, I started telling Him with every step “Not my strength, but Yours, Lord”…with every step…

Amazingly, everytime I said it, the pain was lessened.

I want to learn to live it, not my strength but Yours, not my strength, but Yours, again and again until it is who I am and I don’t have to remind myself anymore!  Really, I have been trying to live on my strength for too long, it’s time!

Love and blessings,

Godspeed,

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About Rhonda

Let me introduce myself to you who may not know who I am...I am an artist, writer, blogger, born again follower of Jesus Christ (I pursue Him on an ongoing basis with passion), I am a recovering codependent, survivor of childhood and adulthood domestic violence, an empty nester who still has a LOT of life to live and a LOT more places to go before I stop, the wife to Mr. John, mother, grandmother and I have a passion for being a part of the process of getting preschoolers ready for the rest of their lives! I have probably left something out but that's ok.
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6 Responses to Knowing God

  1. Beth says:

    So sorry about your ankle. Will be praying for healing for your return.

  2. Wendy says:

    Your words are inspiring, challenging, and SO true. Look forward to seeing you today!

    • EvieJo says:

      Looking forward to seeing you, friend. Thanks for the compliment….just want to learn to truly live this! Tell ALL of the little VW’s hello! 🙂

  3. Heather says:

    I like reading your blog and I hope your ankle is feeling better. You are a very talented writer, Mama. We love you, Heather and Kenedie

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