Unpacking, making plans for our home as far as where to put things, where to hang things, resting, reconnecting with family and friends…we have had a busy week. Amidst all of our activity, we are also still resting. We will get up in the morning after sleeping pretty well and in a few hours we are so sleepy, we go lie down for 2 hour nap.
Now…while we were in Central Asia, we worked hard, but we would also have times when we could rest or nap, it just seems that we are extra tired since we got home.
There are a lot of what ifs still hanging over our heads and lots of what is going to be happening next in our lives. I don’t know whether to settle down and make my extra bedroom into a temporary art studio or start packing for a move.
I do know that I want an art studio and I believe that it is a God idea. I also know that my days in Texas are numbered because I left a big part of my heart in Colorado.
We are seeking God by praying about it and getting into the word. We are being self disciplined about our lifestyle as far as holding onto some high standards that we set for ourselves while we have been gone for the last 5 months.
With the pink highlights in my hair and me talking about getting a tasteful tattoo among a few other things that have changed in our hearts, some may decide that we are becoming a little backslidden.
I have and am letting go of some very superficial, legalistic ways of thinking that I once held onto because my heart has been changed in ways that I never thought it could, would or should have changed. God is the only one who knew that it (my heart) was in need of changing and with the healing that I have received in the past 2 years has come a really big heart change in the last several months.
Mr. Joe and I had become very disoriented with the American versions of organized religion. That was one thing that was on our minds and a topic of much discussion while we were on our way back to Texas.
I would ask…”What do you think we are going to do about church?” And back and forth we would go trying to figure out what to do. We both knew that after having tried many churches in our vicinity, we were not coming up with any satisfaction about the churches that we have tried and we are not picky people.
I think the difference in us and a lot of other people is that we are just who we are, we don’t try to be anything or anyone who we are not and because of this we can see through people who are fake. Do people need to be like us? That is a good question and I guess not. It is just very hard for us to be around fake if you know what I mean. Sometimes people can be fake and not even know they are fake because they just don’t know who they really are.
Back to the churches, some would have small groups that we would like, but not the church and then vice versa. Some would just be too traditional for our taste or too superficial or focused too much on worship and not enough on content during the sharing times, etc., etc. We have just had a very hard time finding one that fit our personalities. It seemed that we were finding things in every church that we have tried to be a part of that were so wrong for us that we just were not getting what we needed from them no matter how much we poured of ourselves into them.
Mr. Joe mentioned Saturday night, right before we went to bed that he would really like to go to church Sunday even though we had not decided where we would go. He said that it did not matter where we went and that if I did not want to go, then we did not have to.
I knew that we needed to go, so I went to bed praying and asking God to help, to get my heart ready for it even if we were disappointed.
We have been wondering about the directions that we need to go in as far as the next phases of our life and something immediately came to my mind. It was that a friend had sent a text to Mr. Joe at the beginning of last week and said that he had gotten clear direction in church on Sunday morning about which way that he should be taking his family. It reminded me that no matter what kind of church we were in that just being there would give God a chance to speak to us about something that we needed to hear.
I knew that we would be spiritually fed and get more direction if we went to church with no expectations. When I woke up Sunday morning, I got on my computer and found the worship times for a church that we had never visited because we had ruled it out many times. We thought it was a little too large for our comfort. The time it started was 11:00 so we got ready and left at 10:30.
Well, we ended up hearing a mature message that we needed to hear and wondered why we had not visited that church before now. We are already making plans about being there next Sunday and looking forward to it! God knew just what we needed.
So in my ramblings on this particular day, what is the moral of my story?
Hmmmmm, that God knows what I am in need of even if I have no clue. That if I think I have most of the answers, I probably don’t have any. That if I Let Go and Let God, he will lead me into places that I would not have chosen but are the perfect fit for me!
Please bear with me through this, I promise, I will pick up on a “rabbit trail” sometime soon, right now, though, I am still “processing”.
Love, blessings and Godspeed to you!