God has been taking me on a journey with him for such a long time that I am finally understanding with my heart (not only my head) that there is purpose behind everything that happens. Knowing this does not give me a lot of help when I am waiting for answers from Him about some specific things. I think part of this comes from being American and although I have not always gotten my way, we Americans are becoming more and more accustomed to instant gratification.
Being aware of God’s activity and knowing that whatever He does is good and perfect does help by giving me peace even though I am still guilty of impatience.
Mr. Joe and I received an invitation yesterday from the Mission Agency that we have been training through to join the staff at Colorado Springs. This is something that we have both wanted. This is something that we have been waiting, hoping and praying for.
I won’t say that the last four weeks have been easy. They haven’t. And, yes, we have received much needed rest, made some very important connections but we have also been in a state of limbo or unsureness as to what our next move is going to be, knowing that we are too young to sit back on our laurels and be “retired” yet.
It has been a long time since we filled out applications and character reference forms and turned them in to people who already pretty much knew us in order to do something that we felt like God was telling us to do to further accomplish His plan in our lives.
Four weeks ago we sped away on the interstate at 85 mph from the place where we had already started putting down the roots of our hearts back to our Texas home with no expectations because we did not want to have our hearts set on something that would not happen.
Since we have been home, we have explored other options just in case things did not work out the way we wanted them. The exploration has really only been an attempt to lighten the blow if we did not receive an invitation to return to the place where our hearts are. We knew that but we did not want to admit it to ourselves because we both have struggled with that fear of rejection from years gone by.
So now it is set in stone, our next leg of the adventure is about to begin. Over the last 6 years we have moved twice. Each time it has been to a smaller place so each time we have had to get rid of the least important things (hence, my referral to baby steps). This move is going to be to, basically, a one room efficiency except it will not have a full kitchen. There will be a full bathroom, though. God is helping us do this missions journey in baby steps, instead of having us jump from the frying pan into the fire.
We have discovered that it is very freeing for us to get rid of stuff that we never thought we could part with.
There is so much more to being “missions-minded” than packing a state of the art, airline approved suitcase, getting on an airplane, flying somewhere, preaching a little or building a few things then flying back home to our American luxuries. It is an entirely different life and way of looking at our possessions. It has started to become imprinted in our minds just how temporary this world is.
When we were first “heard the call” many years ago I had no idea as to what it would take to get me to where God wanted both of us. Mr. Joe is retired military so I believe that he already knew and has been waiting for God to get me ready.
One of the last struggles that I journeyed through was the one about leaving my children and grandchildren and because God knew it was too hard for me to handle He allowed some very sad events to take place that placed a chasm between me and some of my children and grandchildren. It was an occurrence that I had no control over and had no part in causing. I have had no choice but to release my children and grandchildren completely into His care.
I know in my heart that there will be a bridge built over that chasm one day. I know that there will eventually be family reconciliation within His timing. In the meantime He still has a plan for my life that does not directly involve them. That does not mean that I love them any less but that I love them enough to give them to one who can do a far better job than I can.
What is so wonderful, too, is that He has a plan for me to be able to be a grandmother (or Maw) to other children who are in need of that right now even if I can’t be that to some of my own. I am so thankful for this.
But anyway, not wanting to be too long winded, I will close for today with more to follow in my own personal saga while “Climbing the Mountains”.
Love and blessings to you,