One year ago, it was a sunny, cold day in Colorado Springs and Mr. Joe and I stepped out of our little world and into a brand new huge world of healing and freedom that we had never known existed! We had taken about a week to drive from what already was the beginning of a hot and humid summer in Texas and by faith, we had made a commitment to one of the world’s largest “mission agencies”, sight unseen, to attend a 5 month training school in order to be a part of their worldwide operation.
The two years before that we had been through some of the roughest waters of life that we had ever experienced. God had been in the process of healing us from childhood wounds that were still gaping open after both of us living 50+ years of life and 20+ years as Christ followers.
Yes, I remember this day way well, 1 year ago. The first Thursday in April and I was scared to death. Mr. Joe was also scared, although he was acting courageous for my sake. We walked in the door and saw smiling faces and we were thinking that at any moment we would be rejected. That we would be told we did not have what it took to “Know God and Make Him Known” in the world and then discreetly escorted out of the back door.
Family members, whom we loved dearly had estranged themselves from us and it had been that way for a few years. There had been many lies told, many jokes made at our expense, many attacks on our character, some people who did not have any idea as to what was really going on had taken sides. Even though we knew that it was a test that God had not orchestrated but allowed, it had broken us. Our hearts had been ripped open in those places of rejection that had never truly healed.
I had based my whole life and identity on the children whom I had brought into this world and I no longer knew who I was or if I had the strength to seek God for what His purpose was for me for the rest of my life. Honestly, being a mom was the only thing that I had ever known and I was to afraid too love, trust or commit to anyone or anything again.
If the estrangement had not happened, if the lies had not been told, if the rejection had not taken place, I wonder and secretly know in my heart that I would not have made the radical decisions that I made and acted upon 1 year ago. God showed Mr. Joe and I how strong we really were and more than that He showed us who we would and could be with His assistance.
After the five months, our lives and hearts were changed radically. We had spent 3 intense months, searching our hearts and souls. Laying it all down for God. And then we had gone to Central Asia and fallen in love with the people in that culture. Our lives were forever changed. We went back to Texas and packed up and/or sold our belongings. I chronicled the journey in this blog, through photos and in journals. We made a radical change by committing to partner with this Mission Agency and let God have His way with the rest of our lives. After the commitment was made, reconciliation start slowly taking place with the family that had elected to divide themselves from us.
Now we are here (in Colorado Springs) and God is having His way with us.
It always helps me to look back and remember where I come from and right now I am reflecting on where I came from 56 years ago, 37 years ago, 27 years ago, 17 years ago, 1 year ago…
I ran across this poem on Pinterest and everytime a read it, it speaks to my heart. The author is “e.h.” I have no idea who this is although I have tried to research. If you know for sure who it is, please let me know!
If I showed you my teardrops,
Would you collect them like rain,
Store them in jars,
That are labelled with “Pain”,
Would you follow their tracks,
From my eyes down my cheeks,
As they write all the stories,
I’m too scared to speak,
Would you stop them with kisses,
Bring their flow to a halt,
As you teach me that pain,
Isn’t always my fault.
Would you hold my face gently,
As you dry both my eyes,
And whisper the words,
“You’re too precious to cry”,
If I showed you my teardrops,
Would you show me your own,
And learn though we’re lonely,
We’re never alone.
The greatest lesson that I have learned during these last 3 years is that I am never alone, He is always with me, He has always been with me! I have no idea what the purpose of this poem was but it speaks to me loudly and clearly of who God has been and still is to me.
Remember, you are never alone!
Now… 27 years ago today, I gave birth to my youngest son in the afternoon. It was a Friday afternoon. My 10 lb. 5 oz. baby boy came into this world and changed my world forever. Ups and downs, backs and forths and everything in between, I wouldn’t trade him for anything and he still rocks my world. He was a big ole teddy bear and still is! His favorite stuffed animal was a big ole teddy bear, too, lovingly named by him, Mr. Bear. Love you G.K.M.!!!! No matter where life takes us or how far apart we may be I will ALWAYS believe in you! I could not have written this 1 year ago but I can write it now with no fear of someone getting insulted or angry at me. I don’t care anymore, I have the right, you are my son and there is no one else on this earth who can say that!
Love and blessings to you!