I have heard it said that spouses take on their partner’s offenses.
I guess you would say that I am guilty! And, honestly, I don’t really think it is a bad thing to be guilty of this. After all, when we marry, we are to be one flesh, right?
Yes, I take on the offenses of my husband! For those of you who don’t know what that means, it means that if someone purposely hurts my husband then you might as well have hurt me because I feel it just as badly as he does if not more so.
I don’t agree with all things that offend him and we discuss it if I don’t agree, sometimes his attitude changes because of my perspective but sometimes I do see things exactly the way that he does.
Just recently he talked to me about an occurrence and because I had experienced the same type of thing coming from this person I could not disagree with him. I knew that my husband had been hurt.
This offense which I have worked through is what started my wheels turning about this post. This particular issue is one that is avoided more so than confronted.
I have a question? And, yes, I am thinking about one particular person right now, but…I have seen this happen in Christian circles all of my life!
Ok, so here is my question…If a person who calls himself a Christian and is even in some sort of Christian service, he may even be in full time service…and he treats the people who he works with “in the name of Jesus” like they are dirt…then why do those of us who know better turn our head and let it go? Is that being Christian?
For some reason I don’t think so. It is not being Christian or Christ like in 2 respects. The one who thinks it is ok to treat people badly is definitely in the wrong and the ones who overlook his behavior are condoning his actions.
Yes, Jesus said turn the other cheek and forgive. Yes, the Bible tells us to treat others in the same ways that we would want to be treated but does that mean that we just let a jerk be a jerk and act like a jerk all the time without calling it for what it is? Do we go on and on, day after day without confronting the jerkish person and allow him to get away with what he is doing? In essence, when we do this we are letting the jerk know that it is ok to continue acting this way.
I have seen jerkish behavior and people in leadership over those acting this way condoning it by being silent over and over again.
Of course I have someone in mind right now and I am venting, but if I acted like this person even one time, I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror, I would sneak off with my tail between my legs in hopes that I would not be reprimanded, all the while, reprimanding myself! I would repent because I know that it is wrong.
That’s the difference in people, I guess.
How do you handle something like this? Honestly, to me when there is someone who blatantly acts like this and tries to belittle people or makes disparaging remarks to their face or behind their backs, it is a reflection of those who are in leadership over them. I hate to say this, but the first thought that comes to my mind is that either the leadership approves of this behavior or does not have the backbone to stand up to the person and tell them to stop or get out.
Jerks drive good people away. They are not good leaders and the only people who can work for them or with them are fellow jerks or those who have an extremely low self-image. Sadly, those who have the low self-image will take it to heart and believe that they deserve the belittlement that they regularly hear.
A jerk drives the good customers away, too. If they are in leadership, their employees/students reflect their attitudes. Their families reflect their attitudes. Allowing a jerk to get away with acting in certain ways by turning a deaf ear to their belittling remarks is doing no one a favor. Think about it, are you in leadership? Do you have a jerk who is subordinate to you who you constantly allow to get away with treating people badly with their words and actions?
When I dig deeper and think about it, I believe that a large part of this is about confrontation.
There are not very many people who like the conflict that is often created by confrontation.
So, what happens? The jerks are allowed to continue to act like the jerks whom they have become. It gets to a point where the jerks are the only ones who confront regularly and their confrontations are based on the biased opinions of their own egos.
Correction has never come to them and so they think that they are right. With most jerks there is a serious absence of consciousness that their behavior is wrong or hurtful because they are so seldom corrected.
So, I am finished with venting, I have gone back and changed some offensive things I had written. The main things that I changed were that I replaced one of the words that I had continuously repeated with the word jerk. You can use your imagination as to what word it was.
Don’t take this personally because I do have a conscience and I know that I have probably stepped on a few toes. Believe me, if you are reading this you are not the person who set me off. You may know him but I doubt that you are married to him.
There is not enough talk in our Christian circles about to how to confront these types of issues. We all get really hush-hush and go off saying that we are going to pray about it. We tend to end up sweeping it under the rug.
Christians have a foundation that they can use to confront this issue.
I would ask that you take this to heart and if you are in leadership over a group of people, correcting the jerks would probably be a good idea before they run good people off.
Love and blessings to you,